Abandoned

Ever heard these words:  ‘It’s not you, but I think it’s time to move on…’  The words stick in the air, and they poke us in the ribs.   

They come from a friend … maybe a colleague … It could have been a spouse.  Or it could have come from a parishioner, if you’re a pastor: “It’s not you, but I think it’s time for me to move on. Trust me, you are not the issue, but I’m having a problem with _____________, and it’s time for a change.”

They say, “Trust me, it’s not you.”  But, deep inside, you know it is.

They may like you, and so they do not want to shred you emotionally, but they’re not honest either.

If you told a chef, “I like you, but I don’t like your menu.” Or,  “I don’t care for the way you prepare mac-n-cheese.” Isn’t the food and the menu representative of who he is?

Everything you and I do—regardless of what we do—is in some way (and perhaps in many ways) an expression of who we are and what we value.

So, what do you do when people are trying to be kind (or wimping out), and what you hear from them is not honest?

Consider these:

• Remember, Jesus was perfect, but He had His critics too. Stop trying to please everyone and accept the fact that humans often are critical.
• Keep in mind, you are not Jesus and are very imperfect, so it ispossible that there’s something you can and should learn from your critics. Do not be arrogant or stubborn. Is there even a kernel of truth in what is being said (or implied)?  Look for the kernel … and own it!
• Accept this reality: if you’re going to lead, you’re going to take some hits. It’s the person out front who often suffers the most blows. Your car windshield is the part that has the bug splatter and rock chips, not the rear window.
• Humans rarely like to take personal responsibility for the condition of their hearts and lives. We seem wired to look for a scapegoat rather than own our flaws.
• Don’t be shocked by the fact that people are fickle. A hero today easily becomes a villain tomorrow in our culture. You don’t have to do anything wrong, and you may not have changed, but people’s preferences often do. Do not let public opinion drive you, because if you do, it will drive you crazy.

Relationships are hard because relationships involve humans. Learning to navigate the realities of criticism isn’t easy, but it’s absolutely necessary.  Keep at it. Don’t give up.

People are worth it.

You are worth it.

Think about it!